Choose joy

Oh my, so much time has past since I last posted on this blog. So much has happened - ups and downs, highs and lows, peaks and valleys, and through all of it one lesson I've learned is to always CHOOSE joy. You may be wondering how one can choose joy, it's a great question. Let me tell you what it means to me.

There are many people searching for happiness. They look to fill that need through their careers, their relationships, hobbies and whatever makes them feel good. Unfortunately, they often find that the feeling is only temporary and when it fades they are left searching for it again. When you look at where we get the word "happy" it has the same root word as the word "happen" suggesting that something has to occur for us to experience that emotion. Happy is an adjective, it's a reaction to something so it makes sense that when that something changes the emotion is hard to sustain. 

Unlike happy, joy is a noun; it is a state of being that doesn't fluctuate based on what is happening around you. While both are emotions, there's something special about joy that makes it so powerful it can stand alone. When you choose to have joy it begins to change the way you experience life. It shifts your expectations and draws to you people and situations that are fuel for more joy. There is so much in the world that can make you feel sad, angry and downright fed up but when you CHOOSE joy those feelings, like happiness, are fleeting. 

Here are some tips to help you start choosing joy today: 

1. Seek opportunities to fuel your joy actively and regularly - It is imperative to identify people and activities that bring you joy to reinforce the emotion. Research shows that an abundance of positivity can actually cancel out negativity but that only works when we do it consciously. Over time, being present in the moment and intentional about how you experience life every day can have a profound impact on your life overall resulting in feelings of joy greater than you ever imagined. 
2. Make a commitment to yourself - Think about all the things you commit to every day. Meeting deadlines for work, transporting your children from place to place, helping out a loved one or friend; all things for other people to meet their needs and agendas. There is nothing wrong with those things, however, we often give those things priority over our own well-being. Choosing joy is making a commitment to yourself that, despite what others have going on around you, internally YOU will maintain a sense of peace and optimism for yourself, by yourself, about yourself. When you make that commitment, cultivate it and practice it daily you gain a level of resilience that protects your mind and preserves your spirit.  
3. Invite others to experience your joy with you - As you begin to experience joy within yourself it also starts to radiate on the outside. People will be drawn to you and, since by choosing joy you are constantly filling yourself with positivity, you have room to pour into them without feeling empty and drained.  
4. Leverage the what ifs - Most of what we think will go wrong never happens and when it does happen, often it's because we've unconsciously made it happen so we can be right. Don't believe me? Look up "self-fulfilling prophesy" and ask yourself when it's happened to you before. When we are children we are fearless but, over time, we are taught to expect the worst in an effort to prepare and protect ourselves from danger and hurt. We think "what if this..." and "what if that..." and we can build our entire lives off of the POTENTIAL for things to go wrong while ignoring all the things that are going right. Replace the "what if it goes wrong..." with "what if it goes right..." 
5. Experience unpleasant emotions in the moment then move on - Somehow we learn that emotions such as fear, sadness and disappointment are "negative" and that we should avoid them at all costs. The truth is those emotions are part of our human nature and experiencing them is part of life. They are not negative, they are unpleasant and avoiding limits our ability to experience the fullness of life. Consider how much you miss out on just because you're afraid to try something new or because you know someone who had a bad experience so you assume you will too. If this happens to you a lot, go back to #4 and read it again...then one more time. If you really want to live your best life you must know that unpleasant things will occur. Experience those emotions in the moment, remind yourself that you have chosen joy then keep on going. 

 
And when all else seems to fail...SMILE!

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